May love stand strong.

I only realised I have terrible pretend-everything-is-fine skills when Lixin asked me if I've been sad these few days. I thought no one would know.

Yes, I've been feeling a little down + nostalgic. And school's been a great escape (: I know this has nothing to do with me at all, ain't my fault and neither did I want this to happen. I have no idea why I should at all be affected. But then again, things around me affect me someway or another. I'm still human after all. At night it gets pretty cold and lonely and I'm grateful for the special friend that listens <3

One of the little things that have been going through my mind is how much this blog has evolved. I think my blog readers have changed over the years, and that no one actually remembers this anymore, but jusee blog used to be password-protected for about three months some six years ago.

I must have been a really dumb kid when I was younger. I set the password page to pink and the password question was {what's my favourite colour?}. I think I must have been so innocent to think that unless someone knew me super well, no one could access my blog ._.

And also how I used to think I could grow up and become a pig 8) of course I insist this really ain't my fault that adults ask {what do you want to be when you grow up?} without telling me I had to be human >.< I still wish I can one day turn into a pig, but ain't too much a thought now. I'm just happy to be surrounded by my lovely pig family in the little haven of my room (:

I also remember when I was six I went to Genting with my cousins whom I loved so much. I guess the CD with the entire footage of our trip from the camcorder which we brought along is still somewhere in my cousins' house, but lost amidst the set of CDs filled with forgotten memories. Or have those CDs long been thrown away? Idk, but I know they still live in me. Does anyone else still remember the fun, or are they all suffering from selective amnesia?

There are so many questions, all of which I do not know the answers. And all this while I sit here passively. Or maybe I should say actively rejecting anyone who wants to give me an explanation? The answers are really not important to me. What matters is what could they have been.

I think I'm just deluding myself with my imagined reality of what it should have been and failing to accept what it already is. I guess that's what happens when I've lived my life in a perfect setting, where my BIG problems are really in fact tiny when compared to the real problems around me. Has it become so bad that when the big problem really comes I just lie to myself that this ain't happening and sit in a corner with my eyes and ears covered? Cry and whine and hopefully someone will resolve it for me? How I wish this was like another of my dramas, where I can skip the parts I don't like or switch the whole thing off and get on with life.

No matter what happens, I'll do my best to help you. I promise. All you have to do now, is tell me ♥