Moderation and Summary Skills

Having been bugged recently by not just one, but two irritants of varying degrees, and then having had four 艳遇s today, I decided that I have to record down the observable differences in such responses of mine towards different people, just like a good sociology student (: no apologies for highly explicit references to certain people.

When two people speak to and engage each other, they attempt to interest the other person in their lives, their thoughts and their physical or emotional experiences. And the other person displays to some extent an interest. Which is the whole point. Conversation is a two-way process. If there is no interest on the part of the listener, then there is no reason to attempt to keep the conversation going.

For the most part, I know a great number of people and it is really difficult if I have to keep up with all of them. So I usually only display interest to those whom I sincerely wish to keep up a relationship with. As for the rest, I don't mind listening to you if you speak with substance, or on a topic I would like to continue the conversation about. But I don't need to know what you are doing at every single minute of everyday, because those are mundane stuff which everyone goes through as well. If I had to care about the time everyone I know has woken up, or is eating, and what they are eating, and what time they go to bed, I'd probably no need to do any other thing with my life. Just like how you should get a life too and stop turning to your phone and reporting to me whatever you are doing at every change of event. Yes, of course, sometimes I do have to report to others when I'm about to bathe or about to do something that I need to stop texting out of courtesy. But that's because it's rude to end a conversation abruptly and disappear without giving a proper reason, while the other person thinks he/she can get a reply within the next two minutes as was with the past half an hour. There is no reason why I need to tell anyone else that {hey! I'm going to bathe now} out of the blue.

Unless you belong to the category of people I really care about, otherwise sending me a {I'm very tired today} or {I'm going to Sentosa today} would not illicit a very enthusiastic response on my part. I know a lot of people send these kinds of things in hope that I respond with an empathetic {why?} so that they can continue their story, but even if I don't respond, you are going to continue your story anw so why even bother to wait for me to ask before saying? If you want to tell me, then just do so. I hate all these kinds of asking here and asking there because it is so damn inefficient and it is not going to change the outcome of you telling me your story whether I ask or not. The only time I ever respond is when your explanation is compelling enough for me to probe further. So don't be too hopeful about anything else. Otherwise, everyone feels tired as well, not just you. I couldn't be bothered that your lecturer was so boring and that he dragged the lesson if you want to tell me that five times a week. And also, for someone who loves to go exploring like me, going to Sentosa is not a big deal as you make it out to be.

Also, is it not only natural that people substantiate what they say? Like I wouldn't go up to someone and say {I had an awesome day today!} without continuing to explain what was so good about the day. I cannot assume that the other person was walking behind me for the whole day and find out about all my 艳遇s without me telling them. And how do you even expect me to be empathetic towards your joy or sorrow if you want to leave me hanging with just one sentence?

So out of my four 艳遇s today, I shall compare some remotely similar stuff against them irritants;
1. Jiayu says that she is super tired but cannot sleep because she has two tests and one project due next week, and her groupmates are not helping. I show more sympathy in that because it's an excessive workload, and she thinks this is her worst sem ever even though we've only gone through two sems. Rather than your daily tiredness because your lessons just ended. Seriously, who doesn't feel tired after a day of lessons or work? And if you're going to feel tired everyday, then you should try not sleeping for two days straight and see if you complain about 5hrs of lessons anymore. Don't try to act pathetic simply because you haven't experienced the worst yet.
2. Jiayu was talking about the biz canteen, and how terrible the food is and that I should never eat there. I'm interested to listen because I alr think the Deck is not very good, and also because the chances of me going to biz canteen for a meal is relatively high. It's not the same as you telling me about your terrible and expensive meal in AMK Hub's foodcourt because I never had a good impression of foodcourt food, and I think that foodcourt is where I should be eating when I'm broke because it's not expensive. Most importantly, I don't even eat at foodcourts to begin with. The problem with the conversation is that I cannot even relate to you because our sense of relativity is so different I don't even know how to respond. I don't feel nice telling you not to complain about cheap stuff when you say it is expensive. If you had said something like which café isn't nice + explain it in terms of taste rather than solely on feelings I'd probably be wayyy more interested.
3. Eileen was talking about her tw trip and how relaxed it was. Like they went there without any plan and slacked almost the whole of it off. Which is something interesting to listen to because it is really extraordinary people would go overseas to slack + I don't get to experience tw everyday so I don't mind listening and learning. Not the same as you telling me that you are on the way travelling to school on the train. I travel to school on the train daily too.

Why do I even need to write a blogpost on how to keep conversations going? Isn't it supposed to be a lifeskill we should have all acquired by this age? Either by listening to others talk or by talking ourselves. We summarise most parts and go into detail only when necessary. Everything else is implied. Even in writing out the above, do I have to slowly recount my entire 45mins lunch with Jiayu just to draw out the impt points? Obviously the rest that was not recorded down is just us talking about life and stuff. Just because I blog about FCD yesterday and didn't say that I have had my breakfast lunch and dinner doesn't mean I don't eat right?

In conclusion, I feel that it is easier to talk to people who sum up an event, like something that lasts a few hours to a few days or a few weeks and highlight parts that others would probably find interesting or need to know. Because everything in too much detail is too boring. And inefficient. Which, like I have mentioned above, goes against the rules of conversing, where we try to interest the other. Boring is not interesting, in case you haven't realised since primary school. You have 150 words to tell a story, so ignore all the irrelevant implied parts about life and move on.