发现


This week there were three happy pills: two episodes of Cantabile Tomorrow, and then one salad lunch with Crystal ^___^ I'm especially thankful for these little happiness this week because of the rest of the trying times. I guess it really is that going through hard times will help in appreciating the simple things in life.

And then there was this other thing that someone told me, and I'm really not sure if it was meant to be happy or not. I mean, I'm really happy that someone told me the truth and cast everything into place and understanding, but then I also feel upset that I was oblivious to this fact for so long, and that everything I have been thinking was facing the wrong direction. Upon knowing this, I am trying to get rid of my past misconceptions and adopt a new perspective, but it is hard. For believing something for so long, I don't think I can change my ideas of that certain subject overnight.

Being at where I am today, I do not dare to say I am the perfect leader, but I am always trying to be a better person. It may not come across that well, but I think it is better than where I was three years ago. Isn't that the most impt thing? That I'm trying and improving? Or is there a criteria for good improvement and not-good-enough improvement? I'm not sure about that anymore. I'm just really confused right now.

Part of my confusion comes from me being more empathetic and understanding towards human nature. I have a friend who used to explain to me everything in a way that I would get it, but the more I know, the more I can see by myself. And then now comes by someone who tells me everything in this absolutely disorganised manner, and I can't even phantom anything anymore. I hate it when I'm not in-charge of my life. I need my brain to see clearly like before.

I'm about to submit my last assignment of the semester tonight, and I'm hoping life is going to get easier the following weeks.