The Beginning

photo: google

Many things have happened in the last one week. I wasn't exceptionally busy, cos I was supposed to lie in bed the whole day to begin with. It's just that when I start moving around to get things done a little, I get really tired and mentally drained fast. I can't even imagine how tiring school will be for me next week >.<

I was rushed to A&E on saturday morning because the rubberband tying my mouth together snapped /: although it was only two hours, and I was home the rest of the day, I felt like something big just happened in my life. I think my life has been too repetitive for the past 3 weeks + 3 days. Staying at home, eating porridge, going to the hospital for checkups, sleeping. But basically that's enough to take up my entire day alr, leaving no time for emergencies or incidents to happen.

Then there was bidding for mods. Usually I just set my advanced bid and leave it there until the placement emails come in, but this time I had to drop my extra mod, so I ended up checking regularly. It was kind of tough because I kept forgetting to check. Like I'll go take a nap and ooops, open bidding is over. I hope I get my desired three-day timetable >.<

Also, I cried a lot in the past four days. There was a lot of hurt, a lot of angst, a lot of negativity in my life. And ytd, I chose to end it all. It may not be the best solution for everyone, but I think it was the best I could do for myself. Of course, I am really thankful for the people who talked to me, who cared for me, who supported me, and who are helping me set this right. Idk how I'd pull through this emotional roller-coaster without them. Special mention to Alex and Ziyi for coming down to my house at 10pm and talking until 1am to hear everything I had to say and to propose a course of action for me. I'm especially touched since their solution was mostly about them doing the work. I know it's because they are in the position to settle things, but also because they really don't have to do all this for me, especially not apologising to my parents when they didn't do anything wrong.

It was kind of funny too because Alex was so nervous about it. He didn't know what to expect, and was worried he would get chased out by my parents. It's a really sensitive topic now between everyone: me, my parents, the staff, the exco, and some other people.

Having said and done all this, it's about time to reflect on myself too. Certain things could have been handled better since four years ago. What's happened has happened, but the most impt thing about life is not letting mistakes repeat themselves. Isn't that why I did what I did? To give myself a chance to live better. Growth comes from experience and from knowing how to better handle things. And that's what I am going to do from now on.

The sakura represents the end of winter and the beginning of spring, the start of everything new and nice. That's how my life will be from now on.