Life Problems


Ever since I came back from Beijing, I have noticed that I have become a lot more sensitive to noise. I used to be able to ignore the ringing of others' phones, the quiet humming of the car engine, and the clicking of pens in the lecture theatre. It is now as if all these sounds have been amplified, and I cannot help but feel a slight tinge of irritation within me.

Does exposure not lead to immunity? Should I not have become deaf to the sounds of everyday life after having spent so long in a land where people make it a point announce their arrival and departure through the thumping of their feet against the ground, and where they have to shout at each other to be heard above all the other competing noises? It is like the opposite happened, and my ears are picking up the smallest of sounds when zippers zip and plastic bags ruffle. I know these are sounds which cannot be helped, but at this moment, they appear to me as loud noises and fuel my fustration.

I hate the world for noises beyond their control, and I hate myself for that ._.

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I really want to ask if he was the one from fifteen years ago, but I am so afraid of a negative answer. It would be much simpler to just let me live in my dream and continue idolising him forever. Curiosity will kill the cat, either by elation or by disappointment. Preferably the former, but probably the latter.